The Hope of Sleep

April 26, 2022

Neka King – Black Death Doula & Grief Practitioner

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INVOCATION

O Spirit. Thank you for coming.

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CLOUD OF WITNESS

I often forget that my Cloud of Witness is filled with storytellers from Moses to Jesus (the Master of Stories) to Toni Morrison to my own mother whose tongue was gilded with tales.

My life has been punctuated with an unprecedented number of sudden and tragic losses, as well as an astonishing amount of trauma since the day I was born—and I mean that literally. So when I share with you that the past couple of months have been some of the worst and most agonizingly painful months of my fifty-two years, that’s saying a lot. But my family and I are absolutely hemorrhaging with hurt these days, clinging to one another in the dark. 

This is what happens when you unburden yourself from dysfunctional foundations. You lose the grounding of those foundations and are sent crashing, at least for a little while. Eventually, you will land on solid and much more forgiving ground that will hold you. But the falling is terrifying. 

I have been pursuing racial justice in the church for some years, and as the foundation of colorblindness, white supremacy and patriarchy began to crumble beneath me, family members let go of me and my family, half-hoping that I would fall to my demise. They are shocked that the opposite has happened, and have said so in the most slanderous ways. These were people who loved me. And have continued to claim to love me. It has been like a dagger to my back. 

And recently, family who applauded me for my work writing about racial justice have been less inclined to support my writing about LGBTQIA rights. When our college-aged child came out as gay, they were coolly supportive. But when our child came out as “they” and trans-non-binary, well… sigh… words were said that can’t be taken back. Another dagger—this time in our hearts. These family members swear they are only speaking out of love. It does not feel at all like love. 

So I looked to my cloud of witnesses to see how they handled slander, betrayal, and that awful feeling of being unloved, and I noticed that when they felt these things they told their stories, they listened to the stories of other bloodied mistreated and crushed people, and then they rested.

Rest is hard in grief. If it comes, it can feel fitful and haunted. But I started using an app with sleep stories, and it has been such a nightlight of hope every night for my husband and I. Before finding this app, going to bed was less than peaceful. We’d avoid it for as long as possible. Now, we have these bedtime stories to look forward to, and each one is like hearing Jesus calm the storm: “Peace. Be still.” 

I don’t do any ads or promotions on this newsletter or in my feed. I always want to share myself, not sell any wares. So I found some of these stories for free on YouTube for any of you who, like me, are in a season where sleep and rest are hard, stony places—wildernesses of anxiety, worry and despair. May these stories return rest to you as the rechargeable hope that sleep and rest were always meant to be. 

Peace, my friends. There will be light. Dawn will arrive again. Our God is always whispering into every darkness, “Let there be light.” 

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SLEEP STORIES BY CALM 

Sacred New Zealand – read by Jerome Flynn

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Blue Gold – read by Stephen Fry 

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Journey to the Stars – read by Levar Burton 

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The Lavender Valley – read by Tamara Levitt

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And for those of you who like the stories told by notes arranged in harmony and melody, here’s a story for you: 

Gravity 

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BENEDICTION

Psalm 46:10

Surrender your anxiety. Be still and realize that I am God. I am God above all the nations, and I am exalted throughout the whole earth. —The Passion

Be still, be calm, see, and understand I am the True God. I am honored among all the nations. I am honored over all the earth. —The Voice 

Our God says, “Calm down, and learn that I am God! All nations on earth will honor me.” —The Common English 

Be empty, and see that I am God. I will be exalted among the peoples, and I will be exalted upon the earth. —Catholic Public Domain 

Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. —New American Standard

Return and know that I AM GOD. I am exalted among the nations and I am exalted in the Earth. —Aramaic in Plain English

Let go of your concerns! Then you will know that I am God. I rule the nations. I rule the earth. —God’s Word 

Attention, all! See the marvels of God! He plants flowers and trees all over the earth, bans war from pole to pole, breaks all the weapons across his knee. “Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything.” —The Message