Much Bigger… Grander, More Subtle, More Elegant… Even Greater Than We Dreamed…
A Fall 2024 Black Eyed Story Series
I have so many questions and far less time. From here on out I’ll ask all my questions and hopefully you and I can find a wide open door leading to rooms lined with an abundance of answers.
Dear Friends,
Now that I’m 55 years old with a hoard of experiences and suitcases full of anecdotes stuffed with tall tales folded with the smoky remnants of the truth, I can assess the situation of my living and report that most of the policies and procedures I was given were only mere opinions handed to me by others who were afraid of what I might do with my one “wild and precious” life, believing with their whole hearts that my life would somehow affect their ability to breathe freely, making it impossible for any one of us to coexist.
And now with more years behind me than lay ahead, I can no longer cosign to their agenda to erase me with words draped in the language of love and salvation. They prowl like wolves in Jesus’ sandals coming to prey on my spirit and walk across my feelings, much like the Savior walked upon the Sea of Galilee – storms be damned. They offer me their thoughts and prayers in exchange for my autonomy over my mind and well-being. They do it all in the name of Jesus and God and Country. At 55 years old, I can no longer leave my doubts, my frustrations, my questions at their door. I’ve already turned both cheeks. I’ve only got the two – there are no more. I must refuse their greeting of “Good News!”
I am no longer at a crossroads. I have well and truly picked a direction – up and out and way over yonder as far as I can get from a church service, a bible study, or a prayer meeting. I’ve longed to tell you all of this, but how? How do you tell a listening audience who came to hear your songs of praises that you do not recognize the words you’ve sung over and over again for years and years? God is good all the time and all the time God is good… God loves everyone… God is love. I cannot preach a message I feel no longer belongs to me. To be honest, it never belonged to me.
I owe you an explanation, I know. But where do I begin? I suppose I could start with this confession: I served a God that was too small, and I regret it.
Genius astrophysicist and “non-believer” yet great-believer-and-lover-of life Carl Sagan wrote:
In some respects, science has far surpassed religion in delivering awe. How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, "This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed"? Instead they say, "No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way.
This beautiful human wrote that in 1994. There he was, a bonafide member of The Silent Generation, aka The Traditionalists, bucking the traditions of the status quo, speaking such a voluminous, heretical thought out loud. He wrote this during (and to) my generation: Generation X.
We were The Latchkey Generation, The Lost Generation, The Middle Child Generation, The Forgotten Generation. Our parents covered us in prayers as they hung keys around our necks and left us home alone in a confusing world, hoping we’d find the one door to success in this life and the next.
There’s a reason we’re all here. That I’m sure of. But I’m not so sure it’s the reason I was given. Am I here to worship and praise and love the Lord and spread the good news about “his” son who died for my sins and yours? I’m not deconstructing. I’m asking a sincere question. I’m asking for myself and for many of my friends who are wondering the same thing. Did we get it wrong? And if we did, how do we fix it for the next generation? And if we didn’t get it wrong, then why does this notion of God feel so rigid and awkward? Are we the problem or is the problem this particular God?
I have so many questions and far less time. From here on out I’ll ask all my questions and hopefully you and I can find a wide open door leading to rooms lined with an abundance of answers.
I’ll sign this letter off with some words from a Millennial—the Queen Bey herself—Beyoncé Knowles Carter:
If you feel insignificant, you better think again
Better wake up because you're part of something way bigger…
Not just a speck in the universe
Not just some words in a bible verse
You are the living word…
You're part of something way bigger
Bigger than you, bigger than we
Bigger than the picture they framed us to see
But now we see it
And it ain't no secret…
Welcome to my season of something bigger.
With Much Love,
Marcie